Getting married is not something to rush into and aside from the common wedding planning blunders, you’ll need to think about the more important aspects of your future together. You’ll want to arm yourself with all the knowledge you can find prior to making the choice, so here are a few things to ask before the big day.
1. If we both became jobless, what financial resources would we have?
This question is great, because it shines some light on your partner’s financial attitudes. Jumping into the question on a worse-case-scenario basis immediately emphasizes the importance of financial competency.
Although it’s scary to imagine a world without any income, it’s good to know what sort of plan might be plausible, given your current financial attitudes.
2. If I became a full-time professional, could you manage being a full-time parent?
If this is already your situation, reverse the roles. It’s good to know what your partner’s current views are on the possibility of a role reversal. This can give you insights into your partner’s attitudes about child rearing and professional goals.
There is no right answer to this question, but its important for both parties to know where the other stands.
3. When was the last time you visited a hospital? Why were you there?
Checking in with the last hospital visit can start a conversation about medical history. It can also provide some insight on the frequency and necessity of visits to the doctor. Rather than ask for all the relevant medical facts, reflecting on recent visits allows for a more natural conversation to occur.
4. When you reach your current goals, can you see yourself developing new dreams?
Being in love with someone who is passionate is great. Setting goals, pursuing dreams and creating new dreams are incredibly important in a successful life. Although nobody can anticipate the details of such a situation, it is important to check in and see if the spark of alternative dreams is still around.
5. What is the craziest sex experience you can imagine yourself participating in?
This question presses the boundaries of your partner’s sexual imagination. It is useful to explore this territory in order to explore how comfortable the two of you are in discussing this very private topic.
If you can’t discuss sexual needs and desires with your lifelong partner, you are likely to struggle in the long run. Prior to marriage, its good to see how open the two of you are.
6. If you could only have one spiritual need met, what would it be?
It’s valuable to know what your partner’s spiritual needs are. Spirituality need not be satisfied in a church, either. Things as ordinary as playing video games can have spiritual meaning to people.
It’s not always easy to recognize what is more important to one’s spiritual side, so starting a conversation about it is critical prior to marriage.
7. Which of my friends deserves the most respect and why?
Friends are an important part of our lives. This question focuses on our partner’s attitude about our friends and whether any of those relationships can have a foundation of respect. Although we may not always get along with our partner’s friends, it is important to maintain a level of respect.
If your partner can’t list all of your friends, don’t let it disturb you too much. You are just checking in to see if the friends that your partner can recall are reasonably accepted by him or her.
8. Which of our parents do you think may cause relationship struggles for us in the future?
Parents have a special power over us. It can be complicated if one of the parents doesn’t like your partner. It can be managed, but it is important to be able to discuss it openly with each other.
There is nothing wrong with considering what challenges may lay ahead of you if your families do ultimately combine and clash. If possible, you may use this question to develop potential solutions to those future challenges as well.
9. What is the one thing you have to have in order to feel comfortable in daily life?
This question is designed to help your partner evaluate what things are most critical to their happiness. There are some things each one of us has to have in order to feel okay.
These are key items which a partner has to learn to respect and work with. If your partner really needs to spend an hour a day reading and that just infuriates you, then you need to clarify that this is something needed by your loved one. It’s important to identify those items in order to facilitate communication.
10. How easy is it for you to move?
Some people see moving as a horrible challenge. Others can see the spark of opportunity within the unknown. Although you may not have any moves in your foreseeable future, it’s good to check in and find out if moving, in the future, is a real possibility or not.
If it’s totally off the table, you will need to check in and see if this is compatible with your own ambitions. As with all of these questions, this is an important one in planning your future with your future spouse and going deeper than choosing a church and party hall.